Monsoon wedding and story of Janaki

She was watching a movie monsoon wedding. Shefali Shetty exposes her uncle in front of the family for the molestation he did when she was a child. Shefali Sheety is an orphan who gets molested by her uncle for a long time. Janaki couldn't hold back her tears. She cried like a child and remembered the incidence when she cried the same way in front of her husband good long years back.

“As you know I have grown up in a village. We used to stay at a rental place.  It was a small chawl, with four-five families around.

 I must be twelve-thirteen old Harish. I was in my puberty. I had got my periods around the same time I guess.  My mom never told me anything about periods, the physical changes or anything. I cried a lot when I got my periods because that is the time when mom used to sleep alone, wash her utensils and cloths and never cooked the food for four days. For me periods was sleeping away from my mom and sleeping alone.

I was a scholar and never missed my first ranking. I used to actively participate in all the competitions and used to win lots of prizes. I used to also like solving puzzles and crosswords. I used to do everything very enthusiastically. But those four days in every month were the worst days of my life. All the families around used to come to know about it. It was really very embarrassing.

Our neighbor was the owner. My mom used to treat him like a brother. He used to always praise me and used to tell people that I have a computer in my brain. I was so proud of myself. He had also a great interest in crosswords and we used to solve them together.”

Hairsh , “OK sweetheart but why were you crying when I hugged you and kissed you. I got scared. Please tell me – did I hurt you? I am so sorry darling”.

Janaki-“Harish please don’t be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I will tell you what happened.

It was a typical Sunday morning. My mom had washed my long, beautiful hair. I kept it open, wore a short frock and went to neighbor’s place to watch TV. Uncle asked, hey Janaki, let’s solve crossword. I had happily joined him. After five ten minutes, I started feeling something heavy on my chest. I didn't understand why I am feeling so heavy. When I looked at my chest, I came to know that Uncle is pressing my breasts heavily. I tried to get rid of him, but couldn't do it. When mom called for lunch, I took a chance and ran away from there. I started feeling some dampness in my private part. My legs became heavy and I was perspiring heavily. I didn't understand why he had done that. Till that point, I didn't understand that my breasts have become large. Seriously Harish, mom never ever gave me any knowledge. I ignored that incidence and didn't tell anyone because I myself didn't understand anything. And the same thing happened for so many times later. Sometimes he used to touch my breasts, sometimes he used to touch my private parts.  He hadn’t spared me whenever he used to get a chance. Once he had also tried to rape me. I somehow managed to run away from there. I never visited that place alone afterwards. I had started feeling bad about myself; I had started feeling ashamed of myself. I couldn't tell anyone in my family as I thought; we won’t get any place to stay for a cheap price. Our financial condition was not good.  I couldn't tell it to my friends.  No one including me could understand that, it was a molestation through which I had gone.  I had suffered a lot. I used to wake up with a start. I used to get those acts in my dreams. I used to cry from inside. I am still getting suffered. When today, you touched me I remembered all that suffering. Sorry Harish but it will take some time to come out of this. You are the first person to whom I am talking about this openly. “

Hairsh hugged her and said – “It is okay sweetheart. You had gone through the hell. Now I understand how important sex education is.”

Janaki – “I promise Harish I will try to forget my past and I also promise that I will be very open to our kids about sex education because I would like to start cleaning this society and home is a best place to start.”

Hairsh – “I am proud of you my love and I will also help”. Let’s try to make the society healthy.

First time Janaki smiled with a relief.  She became as innocent as she was twelve year old.

She examined herself in mirror... she stood in front of the mirror and started examining her. She touched her forehead, her eyes, her jawline. There were few wrinkles at the corner of the eyes. Her jawline used to be perfect once. There was a slight double chin. She could feel it with her hands. She thought, am I aging?  She has touched her eyes and lips. She was thinking - how do I look like? Am I fair? Am I wheatish or I am black? Hows my skin tone? Am I beautiful or am an average looking person? An inner voice came out - You are a beautiful soul dear. You have got beautiful face, wonderful eyes. You have a face which talks, you have a face which sings. See you have got a beautiful voice. You remember your recordings?......
This all started when you were seven year old. Panditaji had heard you when you were singing a beautiful bhajan in a Devi Temple. He was just passing by and couldn't resist to visit the temple only because of your voice. He got touched by your tranquil voice and decided to teach you. He had talked to your parents. Your parents got agreed.
Your class had started. It was not easy for a seven year old to go through a rough training. You had done the Riyaz for hours and hours. Your parents had followed Panditaji's words and had given everything that possibly they could.
And there you were - at the age of fourteen, given a solo performance. People gave you standing ovation. They got mesmerized with the tranquility you had given them. People got mad with your voice. You had touched hearts of millions. This continued for a long time.
And then there was a boy who was madly in love with you. He had attended each and every of your concert. Followed you every where. Your parents had seen that, but didn't ask you or tell you anything. One day the boy came and met your parents. They had talked to him in detail. He talked to you in detail. You got fascinated. You were at the top of the world. It was a new experience for you. The boy had promised you that he will never ever leave you and will be there forever. This gave a new hope to you. He had told you that, he will be coming back with his parents to officially propose you. And then she will be his, in just a short time. She kept on waiting for him.
He had gone home and came back with his parents one day. His parents met you but rejected you. The boy kept on arguing them but they didn't listen to him. They had swore him with their life and he didn't get any chance to convince them.  That rejection hurt you deeply. You had stopped singing. You had gone into hibernation. With the the help of Panditaji and your parents, you somehow came out of it, but it took you a long time to do that. You had started performing again. And then sky was the limit for you. In last thirty five years you have achieved everything.
Are you thinking now - why the same boy came back to me again and re proposed me at this age? Why does he want to hurt me again? So what do you want to do? Would you like to give him one more chance?
The guy came back and stood behind her. He touched her on shoulders, hugged her from back and whispered- darling sorry, I couldn't be there when you needed me all these years. I am still single and didn't marry anyone.
Now onwards I am your eyes. I know you have felt everything but didn't see anything. Let's travel together and I will show you the world through my eyes.

पिल्लं

पहिली पिल्ल उणीपुरी २ -३ महिन्याची होत आहेत तोपर्यंतच माऊला परत एका बोक्याने साद घातली आणि ती नादाला लागलीच. थोड्याच दिवसात आधीच्या दोन पिलांना तिने  असच सोडून दिल. पिल मोठी झाल्यावर आई  त्यांना सोडून देतेच. प्राण्यांचा  हा निसर्ग नियमच आहे.  एव्हाना पहिली पिल स्व त:च पोट भरण्या इतकी मोठी झाली होती, त्यामुळे मला आणि सायलीला विशेष काही वाटल नाही.

अधून मधून माऊ दिसत होती. तिच्या पोटावरून आम्ही किती दिवस झाले, किती राहिले याचा अंदाज घेत होतो. मांजरांमध्ये साधारण ९० दिवसांनतर बाळ होते.  माऊ आधीच्या पिलांना जवळ हि करत नव्हती त्यामुळे ती परत आमच्याच इथे पिलं  घालेल असा अजिबातच वाटल नव्हत. एके दिवशी माऊ दिसली आणि तीच पोट सपाट झालेलं.

काल  दिपू अचानक सांगत आली - अग माऊ दोन पिलांना वरतीच सोडून  कोठे तरी गायब झाली आहे आणि दोन पिल स्वत:बरोबर घेऊन गेली आहे. खूप ओरडत आहेत ग पिल , काय करायचं? सायली आणि मी पण वर गेलो. बघितल, तर एवढेसे ते छोटे जीव ओरडत होते. त्यांचा आवाज पक्ष्यासारखा येत होता. त्यांनी नुकतेच डोळे उघडले असावेत.ते थंडीने आणि भीतीने थरथर कापत होते. अगदी छोट्या बोटाएवढी होती पिल्ल. एक पिवळसर आणि एक पांढरट पिवळसर.  दिपूने त्यांना  बशीतून दुध पाजायचा प्रयत्न केला होता, पण त्यांना पितच येत नव्हत. मग आम्ही शाईच्या ड्रोपेरने त्यांना दूध  द्यायचा प्रयत्न केला, पण त्याना तेही घेता येत नव्हत. त्याना कापड दुधात भिजवून दिल चोखायला. ते त्यांनी चोखल  पण नक्कीच त्यांना खूप भूक लागली होती आणि आम्ही काहीही करू शकत नव्ह्तो. मग ओळखीच्या सगळ्यांना फोन केले.  काय करता येईल ते पाहिलं, प्राणी मित्र संघटनाना फोन केले. काल रविवार असल्यामुळे सगळ बंद होत. सायलीने फेसबुक वर पोस्ट टाकली. दिपू त्यांच्यासाठी पेट्स वल्ड मधून बाटली घेऊन आली. शेवटी सायलीचे शिवालीकाशी बोलणे झाले.

 तिच्याकडे बरेच प्राणी असल्यामुळे तिला बराच अनुभव आहे. तिने तिच्या प्राण्यांच्या डॉक्टरना फोन केला. शिवालीका आली आणि त्याना बाकस मधून घरी घेऊन गेली. डॉक्टरनी सांगितल्याप्रमाणे त्याना तिने मध आणि दुध दिले. त्यांचे ओरडणे थांबले पण फार आशा ठेवू नका असा डॉक्टरनी सांगितलं होत. पिल फार नाजूक आहेत आणि त्याना आईचीच ऊब लागते असं डॉक्टर म्हणाले. सकाळी शिवालीकाचा मेसेज आला - रात्री पिल्लं गेली.

मनुष्य प्राण्यांमध्ये आई आपल्या सगळ्यात नाजूक प्रकृतीच्या मुलाला खूप जपते. प्राण्यां मधल्या आईच हे वागण  माझ्या आकलनाच्या पलीकडे होत. कदाचित माऊलाच काहीतरी झाल  असेल अशी माझ्यातल्या आईची मी समजूत काढली.

Asach kahisa

जगणं कसं आहे ? कळल आहे का कधी ? आपलंच आयुष्य उलगडून पाहिलं की स्वत:चा स्वत:मध्येच  इतका गुंता होतो. भूतकाळातही जायची गरज नाही. इतकी नाती, त्याबद्दल असणारी जाणीव, त्या माणसांबद्दल वाटणारी ओढ, आकर्षण, प्रेम. काही वेळा व्यक्त केलेलं खूप वेळ अव्यक्त ठेवलेलं! प्रत्येक आजूबाजूच्या व्यक्तीबद्दल काही न काही ओढ असतेच. त्याशिवाय कोणताच बंध तयार होत नाही. ती व्यक्ती मग तुमची मित्र-मैत्रिण असो, सहकारी असो किंवा तुमचे वरिष्ठ असोत.

या नात्यांचा जसा आनंद मिळतो तसंच काही वेळेला दु:खहि मिळत. नात जवळच झाल की अपेक्षा वाढतात. अस झाल की अपेक्षाभंगाच दु:ख आलच. मग काय करायच? कस जगायचं ? सगळी  कवाडं बंद करून? स्वत:शी भिंत बांधून? अस जगण म्हणजे गुदमरण  नाही का? का नाही आपण कोणाला मोकळेपणाने व्यक्त होऊ शकत? कुठेतरी पोचण  म्हणजेच नात परिपूर्ण झाल असं थोडच आहे? किंवा कुठे  तरी पोचेल म्हणून मैत्री तोडण बरोबर आहे का?

आपण कोणाला तरी आवडतो हि भावना रोज छान रहाण्यासाठी नक्कीच उपयोगी  पडते .
म्हणून कुठे पोचायचं  नसलं तरी मोकळ व्हावं. जगण अर्थपूर्ण बनवावं स्वत:चं आणि आपल्या जवळच्या माणसांचं

The emptiness... the hollowness.. deep inside somewhere give me memories of 10 years back.... do I experience the same emptiness... the same hollowness..even today? Well may be I don't know.. but yes I am empty.....
The pain through which you have gone, The suffering through which you have gone... was it really necessary?
Did that pain and suffering give any value addition by curing you and bringing back to my world? - NO.... then how is it useful?
Widow is my social status on the forms, but being all alone for these 10 years in my inner status....
No celebration of anniversaries anymore.... no more rituals or social functions which are all related to our so called festival celebrations or poojas... does that really hurt me? Yes I guess even though I am not at all spiritual or the one follow all those so called religion and festive related things believer.

Though I have come a long way in these 10 years, there are lots of things which are attached to you my dear.
I don't know what happens when people die, I don't know where do they go.... but for me there is a suffering, a struggle inside....
I have overcome it in my day to day life... but January month is always a painful journey for me....
Give me a strength dear, to face the things positively. Give me the power to make my daughter and me happy. Make me accept the things the way they come in my way.
But there is a bond and belonging with you dear. There is a closeness with you. There is a special sharing with you. Let's not change it and let's continue our journey together.